I've been struggling. After having slowly lost a true, clear, connection with myself, I am working, fighting even, to return to a place of authenticity. I've been really straining to hear my truth, to understand my purpose, and regain my voice. Trying to pay close attention to what brings me joy, what nourishes me, what I like, and what makes me feel good. Practicing trusting my intuition and ignoring the outer influence that tends to shake my confidence.
So often this path has felt exhausting and overwhelming, and my energy churns and shifts. One day it's up, confident, strong. The next it goes swinging to the opposite pole, leaving me feeling lost and stuck and weary of the fight. But I believe whole heartedly that the growth and transformation that stretch a soul are often uncomfortable, painful even, as they rub up against our rough spots, until they finally lift leaving us a little smoother, more polished.
A recent conversation stirred up so much truth, and light, and understanding. What if instead of struggling so hard to define my purpose, and fretting so much over saying the right thing, and worrying about what people will think if I do that, or wear that, or want that, I just do what feels right, in my soul, in that moment. If I can only find the courage to do what feels right in my heart in each moment as it arises, knowing that it may not be the easy thing or the conventional thing, THAT is, in itself, fulfilling my purpose.
What if by parenting my children the way that feels right, boldly, openly, I inspire another mother who is struggling with conventional parenting standards. What if by wearing the nose ring, or lipstick, or jeans and t-shirt, or tattoo that feel right for me, I instil confidence into another who fears the judgement of being unique in who they are. What if by snapping a picture with love and inspiration, I bolster the self esteem of a kid who's been at the heartbreaking end of one too many jokes. If by speaking the truths of where I am (That I am messy and not very good at housekeeping, or organizing, or tidying. That I have a lot of resistance to chores around the house. That I am afraid of messing up my children, causing them pain landing them in therapy as adults. That I am lonely and often feel like I'm missing connection and friendship.) that in reading them someone will feel a little less alone, a little more understood, a little more OK. What if I just BE WHO I AM, all the time, and leave it up to the magic of the universe to orchestrate the details of the ways in which I serve others and my purpose, and trust that I will often times, most of the time, not even be aware of the ways I have given to others.
Just last week I was commenting on this beautiful blog post and the words that tumbled out in my comment were "Each of us, as we step into our light, and shine outward, a gift. I can only imagine the incredible way a community of “gifts” could impact our world. That we could all be gifts." Even though they were honest in that moment, those words take on new meaning for me, again today, as they sink deeper into truth.
Each of us, a gift, when we live, OWN, our authenticity.
So often this path has felt exhausting and overwhelming, and my energy churns and shifts. One day it's up, confident, strong. The next it goes swinging to the opposite pole, leaving me feeling lost and stuck and weary of the fight. But I believe whole heartedly that the growth and transformation that stretch a soul are often uncomfortable, painful even, as they rub up against our rough spots, until they finally lift leaving us a little smoother, more polished.
A recent conversation stirred up so much truth, and light, and understanding. What if instead of struggling so hard to define my purpose, and fretting so much over saying the right thing, and worrying about what people will think if I do that, or wear that, or want that, I just do what feels right, in my soul, in that moment. If I can only find the courage to do what feels right in my heart in each moment as it arises, knowing that it may not be the easy thing or the conventional thing, THAT is, in itself, fulfilling my purpose.
What if by parenting my children the way that feels right, boldly, openly, I inspire another mother who is struggling with conventional parenting standards. What if by wearing the nose ring, or lipstick, or jeans and t-shirt, or tattoo that feel right for me, I instil confidence into another who fears the judgement of being unique in who they are. What if by snapping a picture with love and inspiration, I bolster the self esteem of a kid who's been at the heartbreaking end of one too many jokes. If by speaking the truths of where I am (That I am messy and not very good at housekeeping, or organizing, or tidying. That I have a lot of resistance to chores around the house. That I am afraid of messing up my children, causing them pain landing them in therapy as adults. That I am lonely and often feel like I'm missing connection and friendship.) that in reading them someone will feel a little less alone, a little more understood, a little more OK. What if I just BE WHO I AM, all the time, and leave it up to the magic of the universe to orchestrate the details of the ways in which I serve others and my purpose, and trust that I will often times, most of the time, not even be aware of the ways I have given to others.
Just last week I was commenting on this beautiful blog post and the words that tumbled out in my comment were "Each of us, as we step into our light, and shine outward, a gift. I can only imagine the incredible way a community of “gifts” could impact our world. That we could all be gifts." Even though they were honest in that moment, those words take on new meaning for me, again today, as they sink deeper into truth.
Each of us, a gift, when we live, OWN, our authenticity.